Unequally yoked friendships?

Well. I know this is a common problem among christian teens.. But it is one of the biggest things I am struggling with.

What do you do when your best friends who are supposedly “christians” are throwing their lives away? and totally going against everything they are supposed to be following?

And I would rather go out and sin then sit at home all the time alone. But I realized I couldn’t do that.

For awhile, I would go along with my friends and supported it, I acted like I didn’t Have a problem with it.Because I was scared to be brave and speak up. No one like’s not being liked by your peers I wanted people to like me and accept me.

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own.

As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you” John 15 18-19

But in this case, being hated is a good thing.Even though it is hard to accept.

“Be on guard. Stand true to what you believe. Be courageous. Be strong.” 1 Corinthians 16:13

But then, I realized what a Loser I was being and stopped. And what a horrible job I was doing representing, I’m still working on that. But thing’s have been a whole lot easier, since I decided to stand up for what was right.

Doesn’t mean it was easy, but It was worth it. It’s still really hard for me to stay strong and not slip back into their ways and to see people I was such good friends with completely change, destroy themselves, and lie to you.

Sometimes, I feel like my life is engulfed in sin, like I can’t get away from it.

And I know the world is filled with sin, but I feel like the only place I actually communicate with christians is church.

Like, I go to school and there is always some sin I partake in like gossiping and misrepresenting, and I go home and its something else.

Even people Im friends with that are christians, always have disappointing things to tell me. And it’s rough. But all I can do is pray for them.

Being the optimist I am, I am praying they will just come to a total realization and turn away from it. But that might not be the case. I just need remain strong and not let myself get dragged into it again, and pray.

“He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.” (Proverbs 13:20)
The righteous should CHOOSE HIS FRIENDS CAREFULLY, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.” (Proverbs 12:26)

Thank God, for Hayley. She is such a good christian example and friend to  me, I met her while  I was on the mission trip.

She is such a huge blessing in my life. It’s crazy we struggle through the same problems. And it’s so good to actually talk to someone who understands. Too bad she lives so far away!

Please pray for me and my friends.

hmm.. I think im gonna do my next post on confrontation.

Ray

I can’t quite put a title to this..

Lord,

I just confess all my shortcomings, everything I have done, and how unworthy I am of your great, all powerful love. It is amazing to me how you still forgive and love all of us sinners.

I pray that you just give me strength and courage in all the situations I will be put in. You are a marvelous God, who is in complete control of everything.

Lord, Please forgive me for all the times I messed up, and all the times that I will mess up. I just thank you for everything you have done and continue to do for me.

Amen.

Ray

Secrets…

Does anybody here have secrets?   Secret sins, desires, wants?  Things you wouldn’t want your parents, your church people, or someone like me to find out?  It doesn’t have to be a super bad thing, but anything that you know is sin, that you are keeping to yourself for whatever reason?

 

Has anybody ever felt like they didn’t really understand what was happening at church, like, you didn’t really get what the pastor was talking about?  Have you ever questioned whether you really believe in God or not?  Have you ever sat there and let yourself doubt the reality of who and what Jesus really is?

 

Has anyone ever found themselves committing sins either against themselves, or others, and had the epiphany right there when it was happening, and were like “what in the heck am I doing?”  Have you found yourself in the middle of sin, and didn’t stop, you just kept on going, choosing not to think about it until after the deed was done?

 

 

Let me tell you a story:

 

 

Cody was a young boy in a big family.  He had 2 older brothers, 2 younger brothers and 2 younger sisters.  He had a tight, loving, Christian home.  They had enough food, enough clothes, and lots of fun together.  They went to church faithfully several times a week.  Cody believed in Jesus, invited him into his heart and was saved; a real Christian.

 

A year or so goes by and the oldest brother moves out.  He’s been fighting a lot with their dad lately.  The older brother wants “freedom to do what he wants”…   The older brother feels like dad is censoring them too much.  That he has no freedom.  Everything settles down after a while and life keeps on happening.  Cody starts turning into a pre-teen and getting hormones.  He’s sleeping longer, eating more, and having more of an attitude.  He still enjoys going to church several times a week and it’s great because he can see his friends and hang out.

 

Cody’s next oldest brother is a teenager and acting weird.  He’s about to turn 18 and trying to get some more freedoms from his parents.  It’s weird watching him age and grow into an adult.  When the first brother left Cody was too young to really see what was happening. His brother is not very vocal though, he doesn’t stand up for his self and never really gets freedom.  It doesn’t matter though.  Cody’s starting to understand what being “sheltered” means.  Cody and his friends and his brothers have started to figure out how to watch the movies they want, and do things they want by “stretching the truth” to their parents.  They’ve never been allowed to watch pg-13 movies, or R-movies.  But that hasn’t stopped them.  I mean, they’re not all bad, they’re not watching porn.  They’re just trying to have fun.  Between getting in trouble for grades, and talking back, church is about the only time he gets to hang out with his friends.

 

Cody’s oldest brother has moved out; he joined the Marines.  It was so funny.  The first night the brother went to California he got so drunk he passed out and was sick the next day.  HAHAHAHA.   He’d never done that before.  Cody’s having a great time lately.  He’s been able to start going to public school instead of home schooling.  Talk about fun.  He’s never been able to do so much all day long.  Cody’s getting a job as a snow board instructor.  Meeting girls, having fun, looking cool.  He feels a little awkward because they’re talking about drugs, and sex, and music and movies that he doesn’t know about, but he’s able to fake his way through most of the conversations.  Church is kinda weird, because he’s learning that some of the kids he’d always thought were churchy aren’t really.. they’re partying and stuff without anybody knowing; but Cody knows, and they know Cody knows.

 

Things are happening pretty quickly now.  Mom and Dad are getting busier and busier, and Cody’s been able to lie his way into all kinds of new rights and freedoms.  He’s seen a ton of movies lately.  He’s gotten a program so he can get other people’s music off their iPods.  He’s into dance/club music now.  He started sneaking out this winter, when the snowboarding was hot and the tourists were in town.  They were able to find lots of people to buy them alcohol and stuff.  He’s found a girl he thinks he’s in love with, and that’s cool, but kinda weird because he doesn’t really know what to do.  He’s the only Virgin in the group.  They’re “hooking up” but Cody hasn’t given himself to her yet.  No one knows that though.  His parents don’t let him date yet. Heck, he can’t drive alone with a girl, or anything.

 

The sneaking out has become a normal routine.  Getting drunk, smoking pot, cigarettes.  Hooking up with that girl.  He’s started taking the family car when he goes because it’s a lot better than walking.  He doesn’t really want to go to church anymore.  He feels guilty about it, he feels wrong.  He doesn’t like the hypocrites he knows there but he doesn’t want to be one himself so he’s finding ways to get out of going.  He’s not even sure if he’s a Christian anymore, or if he believes in God, or what the deal is.  It’s confusion, doubt.  The only thing keeping him going is the next party. 

 

He’s got caught sneaking out.  He’s grounded.  His dad is threatening to call every contact on his phone if he doesn’t tell them what is going on, but he doesn’t, because he doesn’t want to rat on his friends.  He tells some lies, and his parents buy it a little bit, but he’s still grounded.  He doesn’t trust his dad, or care what he says.  After a week of being grounded he’s tired of it, and goes out again.  This time he gets so drunk he passes out and doesn’t make it back until early the next morning, but everybody at home is already awake.  His parents tell him they don’t know what to do.  He doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t know what to do.  He just knows that life sucks, that he has no fun.  That he wants to go with his friends, but he can’t really tell his friends what’s up, because he’d lied to them so much for so long that they didn’t really know what the deal was.  He really doesn’t want his family to be one of the lunch room conversations at school.  He comes home and is told that he has to leave, to pack up and go to someone’s house until everything can be figured out.  He know’s it’s serious, but he’s not really sure what the deal is.

 

Cody has completely compromised his life.  Completely.  He’s been lying to his parents and he’s been caught.  The Jig is up.  What does he do now?  Where does he go?  What are his options?

 

 

What did Cody do/not do the right way?  Where did he go wrong?  When was “The Writing on the Wall” obvious?

 

Cody had secrets… all kinds of them.   How many secrets do you have that you think are hidden?

God has my back…

Hey there,

It’s been a long time since my last post.  I’ve had other things to do here recently.

God totally has my back.  He really does.  He also answers my prayers.  I love it when I can look back in the recent past and can see God working in my life.  Even more so when it’s for good/edifying/encouraging things.  I have experienced many instances of looking back and seeing God working in my life through my errors, consequences and the resulting correction in my ways.  I really dig it when I can see Him working in my life through “fun” things.  I’ll take what He gives me regardless though.

If you look at my first post you can see that I’ve been praying for a ministry, well, a public ministry, something involving other people, for a while now.  God answered my prayer last week.

Saturday, March 28th, I got a call from a “relative” with a serious issue.  The husband of an almost related family was in a position of uncertainty and looking for some help.

The oldest teen in their house had recently decided to be an individual.  Like many teens, this one decided that the proper way to express himself as an adult and rightfully in charge of his future was through sneaking out, stealing the family car, going out all night for a joyride and then trying to deny it all.  

If you’re wondering why they’d call me don’t.  You see, I’ve got experience in this arena.  I was a bad kid.  A horrible kid.  If you’ve got children, picture the worst sort of person, that guy that you pray your children will never associate with. God blessed me with a Judge that finally gave me the choice between finishing high school and joining the military, or coming back to face serious charges as an adult.  God blessed me with a wife that was willing to grow into adulthood with me.  God blessed me with Godly men and women throughout my life.  I made it through with my body, brain and faith intact; Thanks be to God!!!

I’ve had the opportunity throughout my adulthood to work with different teens because of this.  Talk about humbling and honoring experiences.  I’ve seen kids make both good and bad decisions after our “sessions”.  It’s always a great “high” to see them succeed.  It was really sad to see them continue in their error.  

Jamie, 16.5 years old, great success.  He’s almost 19, and he’s been acting like an adult since he left my house.  When I say “acting like an adult” I’m talking about being responsible, accepting his limitations, working on goals, being accountable for the consequences of his errors, and letting go of the excuse “I’m just a teen.”

Sandy, 15 years old, horrible failure.  She didn’t listen, well, maybe she did, but she chose to stay on the same path instead of turning around.  This hurt me; my family and I were incredible invested in Sandy.  When she left I took it personally, something I hope to never do again.  

So, pray for Cody, that his story will glorify God when it’s done.

I excited that I can see God using my past, my error and my success, to work towards His glory.  To see how things I might have intended for dishonor, have been turned, and now are used to honor the Most High.

I prayed for ministry, and God brought it straight to my door.  It’s 6’1″, snores, stinks a little after a long day, and is sleeping on my couch at night.

 

In Christ <><

Ben

I changed the site a bit…

Hey there, I changed the blog just a tad a few days ago, because of some feed back I got.  I got an unsolicited email from someone that had looked at the blog.  It was saying stuff like, “why aren’t you doing this?” and “you seemed in turmoil”.  

 

 

Hey Ben…

Sorry for being a while getting back to you…. off with flu and well…. busy life.

Anyway… by all means post our dialogue.

I did not detect that it was a guest posting on your site regarding Judgement.  I was indeed agreeing that judging is wrong.  I believe we can judge behaviours and circumstances but not people.  The more I live, the more I recognize the power of what Jesus taught and lived.  And all of this learning is happening outside of church.  Not that it can’t happen in church. Just my path is outside for the time being.

I am intrigued by celebrate recovery.  There is a regular meeting in my home town that I have just learned about.  I am anticipating attending soon.

My issue with churchy people and the 12 steps is that I have been on the receivng end of a lot of ignorant judgement lately…. and in the past as well.  Including by a leader of a Teen Challenge centre who mocked and belittled the 12 steps yet his centre was a farce as far as helping people get clean and sober.

I am sure lots of people take stray tangents with the 12 steps but that does not stop those of us who apply them as a practical expression of the Bible to do so in our walk as believers.  Anything can be corrupted.  Christianity is frequently corrupted but extreme sects and cults.  Anyway….

Will dialogue more …. will make some time this week.

Ciao

Chaz

 

On Thu, Mar 26, 2009 at 10:41 PM, Benjamin Smith <benjamindsmith@mac.com> wrote:

Chaz,

Brother,

I think I mistook your email.  I just visited your site and spent a few minutes browsing.  I can safely say you’re definitely better written than I expected.  

Again, thanks for the time, and your comments.  I’ll see if I can clean up my blog, so it’ll make more sense.  It’s a first for me.  

Thanks,

Ben

 

Then I read his blog and sent the following…

 

On Thu, Mar 26, 2009 at 10:28 PM, Benjamin Smith <benjamindsmith@mac.com> wrote:

Hey Chaz,

Thanks for the mail, I appreciate the time it took.

And, well, I read your email and I am now thoroughly confused as well.  What if you write me back, with examples of what your talking about, so that I can speak to each one specifically.

Gigantic first of all, I’m dreaming people will comment.  The only exception, is the “step 5″ post.  That’s not a blog, but a page on my blog, meant as a testament.  I went first, with my step 5, and as the page explains, if others would like to participate, that’s awesome.  I don’t want the page to turn into a “we’re so glad you’re doing good”, and have it end up being about me, instead of Jesus working in me.  So, the “step 5″ page is just for people that want to confess their sins.  In order to moderate that most efficiently, because i’ve got multiple authors on the site, I will be go-between to post stuff on that page.

Secondly, the post titled “Do Not Judge…” was written by one of my contributors, a 15 year old girl.  I was totally excited by the fact that she was able to get the fact that she’s been judging and that it’s wrong, while she was studying through James.  Totally excited.  I’m not sure if you’re agreeing with her, and me, by saying that judging is wrong, or that you misunderstood Ray and thought she was condoning it.

Thirdly, I would love to talk to you further about some of the things you mentioned.  Swearing, profanity, blasphemy, people thinking that if they get rid of the “verbal” sins then they’re good.  HAHAHA…  

I’m not sure what experience you have with Celebrate Recover, a 12 step program, but it’s the most Christ centered “things” I’ve ever been able to attend.  If I miss-represented it, I apologize.  Dude, seriously, CR is awesome.  Not sure why it would sadden you that I have been successful in my recovery, while leaning solely upon the strength Jesus gives me, and receiving fellowship from people that love me despite it all.

So, this has been awesome Chaz.  You’re the first to contact me so far.  And again, I appreciate the time it took to put your email together.  If I have cleared anything up for you that’s cool.  If you’re still not understandinging, reply and we’ll go through it further.

I can be reached in AIM too, using benjamindsmith@mac.com, if you’d like to IM.  A little quicker on the response time.  I’ve been painting the house with my wife tonight, so it’s kinda late already.

Also, If you wouldn’t mind, I’d love to post our conversation as well.

Thanks,

Ben

 

On Mar 26, 2009, at 9:19 PM, Chaz wrote:

Hey Ben…. I go by Chaz,

I read through you blog somewhat.  I dont get what you are trying to do or say.  But you kinda seem in a bit of turmoil.

If you want your blog to be a ministry, why wouldnt you want comment dialogue?  That is one way blogs get read when others see that others have read and commented.  Anyway… it is entirely up to you but it just kinda stood out to me.

I read your post on Judgement.  To me, I find it a paradox that judgement is so frequent and accepted in the wester modern christian culture.  I refer to it as one of the “acceptable vices”.  Smoking and swearing are out, but judgement is open territory. 

Yet Jesus was pretty clear that judgement was one of the most un-graceful things we could do.  And very much what he came to give an alternative to.  Jesus exemplified tolerance and acceptance of others.  Even those who persecuted and harmed him.

Yet there is very little reference made to swearing and your average Christian in my experience is quick to jump on that behaviour and not judgement.

I guess the subject of Judgement is on my mind as I am bothered right now by a lot of judgement by what I feel are ignorant Christians judging people in 12 step programs.  Long story.  Another time.  But I see them on these blogs and it bothers me.  Saddens me.

Anyway…. for me, I am looking for something different in my “Church” experience than what I have experienced at established mainline churches.  I believe God will show up in some pretty amazing and seemingly unlikely places. 

Anyway…. my blog is www.yuppieaddict.wordpress.com

Will cross paths again I am sure.

Ciao.

Chaz